To Whom It May Concern:
During the wee hours of this morning, you somehow found yourself on a Fair street in the land of the Squirrels. Whether on foot or by car, I do not know. What I do know is that you came upon something that you proceeded to take. That something happened to be sitting in my front yard. It was sitting there for all of TWO MINUTES while I ran upstairs to get my bag. When I returned, it was gone. You were not in sight, not on foot nor in a vehicle. I stepped outside and the lawn was empty. For a moment, I thought I was losing my f&*$ing mind.Why, you ask? Because WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD STEAL A F&#KING WHEELCHAIR!?!?!?!?!!
I do take pleasure in knowing that the first time you tried to sit in it, you probably fell over because YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE WHEELS, IDIOT! I also take pleasure in the fact that once you do acquire wheels, you will realize that this is a SPORTS CHAIR and that it DOESN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR because it's too wide. Brilliant. Really.
What I also hope you discover soon is that the chair was recently adjusted, and I hadn't tightened all the screws yet - not until I was sure it was set up the way I wanted it. Hopefully your STUPID FAT HEAD will be too much for the lose screws and you'll fall over and cry, you STUPID ASSHAT!
Sincerely,
S
posted by Schna @ 7:51 PM
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